A couple of weeks ago, on Saturday night, in a lively bar with a band I was initially approached by an average looking guy as I walked across the dance floor. I was smiling and he caught my eye and asked if I was laughing at his tank top because his friends found his outfit offensive.
I laughed and said “well it’s not particularly youthful” he maintained eye contact and smiled in a friendly and approachable manner.
“But feel the quality of the fabric” he said – motioning for me touch his chest. In suggesting this contact in a casual way it brought us closer together physically and emotionally in a very short space of time it felt mildly intimate for a second.
He turned to his friends (demonstrating he was a popular likeable guy) and said “Look at this girl, shes got amazing style and she likes my top” ( girls LOVE it when you compliment their outfits – or even take an interest) – In introducing his friends he made it look like he wasn’t targeting me souly it seemed like he was intent on having a fun and sociable evening and pulling girls was not a priority.
He turned to my friend to include her and carried on the same theme.
At no point did he offer to buy us a drink or make us feel pressured to stay with his group of friends. He kept the conversation light and amusing. It didn’t feel like he was directly flirting with us.
He became excited when a particular song played and pulled us both and his friend onto the dance floor. He was fun and outgoing and it was entertaining. He indicated other girls on the dance floor that he found attractive which made him seem as though he wasn’t directly flirting with us, but giving us the impression that he liked women. He was complimentary about these girls in a non sexual way, I like it when men talk nicely about other women it makes you believe they are nice guys and you can imagine them talking about you like that.
He then pointed to a girl in a short dress and low cut top and said she “wants me” - this made him seem confident and desirable. He smiled at her and she came over to dance with him. He danced with her for a few seconds whilst maintaining eye contact with me and making a comedy terrified face. He then mouthed “save me” and held out his hand. I pulled him away and in doing this he made me fell like we were co conspirators it felt like we were working together it almost made me feel like I’d won.
Within only a small amount of time he built up a friendship.
The rest of the evening carried on in this way. At the end of the night he asked my friend and I to come back to his hotel with him and his friend. I said we had to catch a bus. He seemed very disappointed and almost angry, he said “I won’t try anything, I value your friendship too much, and I am hurt that you would suggest that I would.”
My friend was very keen to return, she said “I believe he’s genuine, I think they’re nice guys – if they were going to try anything they would have done it by now.”
They had built up this level of trust through the evening and she was sold. I told her to take a number and see them again in a more neutral setting than their hotel room. The fact he became slightly moody gave me a bad feeling.
We said goodbye and walked away. As we walked to wards the bus, I heard footsteps behind. They appeared and picked us up and threw us over their shoulders, it was fun and light and my friend was keen to go along with this but I stood my ground. This tactic worked on her but I felt at this point it was too much. When a girl says no don’t try and pursue it. It’s unattractive and after a while can become quite scary.
Fear is the absolute last emotion you want to induce in a woman.